So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
