my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
