After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
