If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize