i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
