True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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