if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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