How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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