is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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