Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
