my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
