Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
