Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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