Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
