I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
