Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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