Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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