Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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