her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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