Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize