Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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