Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
