let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
