how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
