Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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