And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
