I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
