so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
