my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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