i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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