Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
