Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
