You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
