I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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