Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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