I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
