he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
