i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
