well I can't set my house on fire every night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize