Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need moral support for this bender
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
