my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
