Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
