just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
