fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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