True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
