he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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