had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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