she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
