Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
