perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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