Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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