Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
