I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
