i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Too much gin, very little bucket
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
