On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
