i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
