I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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