Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
