I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
