I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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