i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize