dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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