my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
