i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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