i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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