he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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