Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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