whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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