Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
