Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
