Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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