he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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