His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
