I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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