He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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