She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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