Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
