You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
