You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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