I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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