Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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