Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They have beer where we have blood.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
