she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
