I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
