When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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