she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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