Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
