How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
