Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
