He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
