That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize