I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize