Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
