Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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