I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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